Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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