wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
