One girl and one boy is just not enough.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
