he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
