matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
