Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
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She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
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Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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