Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
