At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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