I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
