Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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