why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
