did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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