you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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