96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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