I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize