yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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