i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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