remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
