Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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