Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
