I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
