i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
