ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think your dad took our porno
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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