I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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