So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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