If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
