Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
