I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Hippo gnu deer
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
