For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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