We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
