Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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