I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
