this just has baby written all over it
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
