Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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