doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
