I think i peed on brittanys purse
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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