At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
