It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
