hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
