I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
