I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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