State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
