wat bout pragnant strippers??
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Randomize
