It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
