I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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