see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
