I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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