shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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