I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
