the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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