I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
