All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
