I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
