North Korea, Best Korea!
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
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I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
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Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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