then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
