new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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