Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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