I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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