The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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