Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This baby is an asshole
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
